REMINDER: This is my blog where I get to say whatever I want. It's opinion, not something everyone has to espouse.
I have been married to Bob for 44 years so there must be a lot I love about him. There are hundreds of things about him that aggravate me too, but I can count on one hand the things about him that totally piss me off. One of those is he has a big mouth.
For example, when our daughter and son-in-law told us they were expecting a baby, I asked Bob to hold off on telling anyone else. Three days later he announced to a room full of convention delegates that he was going to be a grandfather. A few weeks later, we all mourned the loss of the baby. Awkward inquiries scraped that scab bloody for weeks on end.
I am a very private person. To the extent that I literally have to admonish myself that my husband and children deserve to know important---let's say life and death---matters occurring in my life. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2005, it took more courage on my part to tell Bob, Paul, and Betsy than it did to face the cancer. I am NOT exaggerating. In fact, I had it all arranged that no one at work would know about the health issue from me. I asked for a day of vacation, arranged to have my surgery on Maundy Thursday, and knew that barring any unforeseen consequences I would be back at work as usual on Monday. So much for plans. The office manager strolled in the week before and asked me to assume an additional responsibility other than proofreading. I had no choice but to tell her that I didn't want them to be counting on me just then and told her why. Damn.
In the meantime, despite talking with Bob about my preference to not make my impending surgery, etc., cocktail or water cooler talk, he was blabbing to many people we know. Having cancer teaches you a lot about your friends and people in general. Mainly they are in two camps: those who want to know everything you're going through so it makes them feel better that it's you and not them and those who want to make you feel better by sharing every godawful horror story they've ever heard whether it's about the cancer, your doctor, your drugs, your hospital, your nail polish, your hospital gown, the color of your eyes. Pretty much screw 'em all. (I definitely came away from the experience knowing which friends I dearly value.)
That's how we get to Phil Mickelson. In the beginning I felt that he was a whiner, someone who is well aware that he will never be a superstar and pisses and moans about anyone else who get a chance in the limelight. Then his wife and mother got breast cancer. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate a loving, supportive family and admire others for being that kind too. But for god's sake, having press conferences and crying because your wife has cancer. Encouraging teammates and fans to "wear pink." Making every day a "feel-good" moment. Soliciting fan adoration by "look at me, I can come out here and play this game even though my family is suffering." (Reminds me of my mother, a WWII veteran, who had no patience with modern day athletes who take off to be with their wives when they give birth. As she reasonably stated, during the war years a lot of babies were born without their daddies in attendance.)
Cancer is a killer. But cancer is survivable. And breast cancer has one of the highest rates of survivorship. My heart ached especially for Amy Mickelson. It's so much fun to have people fawn all over you, staring at your bosom, wondering. (And no doubt she got all those horror stories too.) I kept thinking how nice it would've been for her to go out to the golf course and follow her husband around the course just enjoying a beautiful day and a nice family event, making memories all along, and getting to ignore the breast cancer for a little while. The hoopla that I blame Phil himself for---and the hoopla that disgusts me---well, it wouldn't surprise me to hear that Amy suffered indignities just as I did from a husband who couldn't respect my privacy. I mean, how many of you would relish having people rub your baby fuzzed scalp without even asking if they could? It happened. More than once. I do not lie.
His behavior disgusted me before as a golf pro but it disgusted me more as a husband. But that's my OPINION. I'm not going to change my opinion and maybe Amy just ate it up. (Maybe she enjoyed the spotlight on her rather than her husband for a change.)
Again I say, I am not going to change my opinion, however, this blog has been written tonight because I was told in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS by someone close to me that I adore that I HAD TO LIKE that golfer. I tried to assert my individual rights but that just didn't cut it with a not-quite-five-year-old.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
I Told You So.
"I told you so."
Those may be the most hateful, spiteful, hurtful words ever.
No one, young or old, likes to be reminded that they could have prevented something from happening if they'd only listened to someone superior and wiser than they are. You might as well look them in the face and say, "I am so much smarter than you. You're stupid." Or in some cases, I think the temptation is to say, "You dumbshit, why didn't you just listen to me."
Who wants to ever be on the receiving end of "I told you so."?
But there's also the one who is in the position of saying "I told you so." Smug, superior, haughty, brilliant. Pshaw. At least in my case it's more like "Why didn't I do more to stop this from happening?" "Why did I not assert myself more into this situation?" "Why was I so mamby-pamby about it?"
So who learned the biggest lesson---"I'll listen to your advice next time." or "Sometimes I do know what's best for you, so please let me guide you this time."
Yeah, I'm looking forward to seeing how this plays out in the future.
Those may be the most hateful, spiteful, hurtful words ever.
No one, young or old, likes to be reminded that they could have prevented something from happening if they'd only listened to someone superior and wiser than they are. You might as well look them in the face and say, "I am so much smarter than you. You're stupid." Or in some cases, I think the temptation is to say, "You dumbshit, why didn't you just listen to me."
Who wants to ever be on the receiving end of "I told you so."?
But there's also the one who is in the position of saying "I told you so." Smug, superior, haughty, brilliant. Pshaw. At least in my case it's more like "Why didn't I do more to stop this from happening?" "Why did I not assert myself more into this situation?" "Why was I so mamby-pamby about it?"
So who learned the biggest lesson---"I'll listen to your advice next time." or "Sometimes I do know what's best for you, so please let me guide you this time."
Yeah, I'm looking forward to seeing how this plays out in the future.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Things I've Learned from Fairy Tales
With many thanks to Randy Newman, the Shermans, and all the other lyricists that have kept me singing all these years.
1. True love always finds a way.
2. Eventually we all will probably fulfill our destinies, despite the detours and pitfalls.
3. Everybody is pretty if we look at them that way.
4. Money has no soul. Money has no heart.
5. Animals can talk to us. (C'mon, you know you want to believe this.)
6. Some of your best, most loyal friends may look nothing like you.
7. Don't let people down.
8. If your heart is in your dream, no request is too extreme.
9. Spaghetti is romantic.
10. Girls are as strong and resourceful as boys.
11. Sometimes you are taught to fear things that aren't so scary at all. Find out.
12. Love is a song that never ends.
13. People know when you're lying.
14. Every life needs a soundtrack---with love ballads and dance tunes.
15. Singing makes your troubles go away. At least for awhile.
16. Find your happy place.
17. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.
18. Just do your best, and then take a rest.
19. Fairy dust is a positive must.
20. What you need is more important than what you want.
21. Life is short. When you're done, you're done.
22. We're put on this earth to have some fun.
23. Mothers will always hold you in their heart.
24. Sometimes to have your wish come true you have to relinquish something of yourself. Consider it carefully.
25. A long dress and a tiara makes any girl feel like a princess. And every girl should feel like a princess at least once in her life. Say, her wedding day.
26. There are evil people in the world. For real.
27. Fathers should be role models.
28. Look for your Prince Charming. But "charming" is more important than "prince." He needs to be a good, decent man first of all.
29. A parent will give up their life to save their child.
30. Old ladies make good fairy godmothers.
31. Remember what your father said. Your mother will remind you.
32. Fairy tales can come true but you gotta make 'em happen. It all depends on you.
33. You are a vital part of the circle of life. You count.
34. Disney and Pixar have had a huge impact on my life.
1. True love always finds a way.
2. Eventually we all will probably fulfill our destinies, despite the detours and pitfalls.
3. Everybody is pretty if we look at them that way.
4. Money has no soul. Money has no heart.
5. Animals can talk to us. (C'mon, you know you want to believe this.)
6. Some of your best, most loyal friends may look nothing like you.
7. Don't let people down.
8. If your heart is in your dream, no request is too extreme.
9. Spaghetti is romantic.
10. Girls are as strong and resourceful as boys.
11. Sometimes you are taught to fear things that aren't so scary at all. Find out.
12. Love is a song that never ends.
13. People know when you're lying.
14. Every life needs a soundtrack---with love ballads and dance tunes.
15. Singing makes your troubles go away. At least for awhile.
16. Find your happy place.
17. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.
18. Just do your best, and then take a rest.
19. Fairy dust is a positive must.
20. What you need is more important than what you want.
21. Life is short. When you're done, you're done.
22. We're put on this earth to have some fun.
23. Mothers will always hold you in their heart.
24. Sometimes to have your wish come true you have to relinquish something of yourself. Consider it carefully.
25. A long dress and a tiara makes any girl feel like a princess. And every girl should feel like a princess at least once in her life. Say, her wedding day.
26. There are evil people in the world. For real.
27. Fathers should be role models.
28. Look for your Prince Charming. But "charming" is more important than "prince." He needs to be a good, decent man first of all.
29. A parent will give up their life to save their child.
30. Old ladies make good fairy godmothers.
31. Remember what your father said. Your mother will remind you.
32. Fairy tales can come true but you gotta make 'em happen. It all depends on you.
33. You are a vital part of the circle of life. You count.
34. Disney and Pixar have had a huge impact on my life.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Observations on 2010---so far
Indications are that 2010 should be an interesting year. Just like all the others---lol!
1. Baby watch has begun in earnest, so a new little personality will bloom on the family tree.
2. There will be some absurdity. In an idle moment watching Family Feud, the question was to name something Queen Elizabeth does without wearing her crown. Immediately I thought to myself that 9 times out of 10 she's wearing a funky hat not a crown, but that was immediately pushed aside by the team's answer of "take a shower." The absurdity of that mental image blocked all others, including fooling around with the king.
3. There will be new things to discover. Today it was canned strawberries.
4. Some things will change. I have resolved to do things uncharacteristic of myself for 2010. I figure that anytime I do something this year that I didn't do last year, I'm living up to that.
5. Some things will not change. For instance, not getting my loved daughter-in-law's birthday present in the mail to arrive on time. Yeah, that lame excuse of "just wanted the celebration to last longer" is sounding weak even to me.
6. People will surprise me. More and more I am espousing the song title philosophy of "God is great, beer is good, people are crazy." (Though I don't think I'll be drinking any beer this year.) But, too, I'm sentimentally afraid that more people will surprise me by not being here anymore. It's been a rough couple of months.
7. My to-do list to get back some "normalcy" is so long that I have to fight the inertia that sets in when I just contemplate it. Must. Do.
8. My butt and my brain will get more of a workout than my backbone and my hands.
And it's only January 2. Whoa.
1. Baby watch has begun in earnest, so a new little personality will bloom on the family tree.
2. There will be some absurdity. In an idle moment watching Family Feud, the question was to name something Queen Elizabeth does without wearing her crown. Immediately I thought to myself that 9 times out of 10 she's wearing a funky hat not a crown, but that was immediately pushed aside by the team's answer of "take a shower." The absurdity of that mental image blocked all others, including fooling around with the king.
3. There will be new things to discover. Today it was canned strawberries.
4. Some things will change. I have resolved to do things uncharacteristic of myself for 2010. I figure that anytime I do something this year that I didn't do last year, I'm living up to that.
5. Some things will not change. For instance, not getting my loved daughter-in-law's birthday present in the mail to arrive on time. Yeah, that lame excuse of "just wanted the celebration to last longer" is sounding weak even to me.
6. People will surprise me. More and more I am espousing the song title philosophy of "God is great, beer is good, people are crazy." (Though I don't think I'll be drinking any beer this year.) But, too, I'm sentimentally afraid that more people will surprise me by not being here anymore. It's been a rough couple of months.
7. My to-do list to get back some "normalcy" is so long that I have to fight the inertia that sets in when I just contemplate it. Must. Do.
8. My butt and my brain will get more of a workout than my backbone and my hands.
And it's only January 2. Whoa.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Not addicted. Only dependent.
Late Thursday night I turned off my computer and didn't turn it on until mid-morning today, Saturday.
Cold turkey. No celebrity gossip. No weather checks around the country. No Facebook.
I didn't even entertain myself with some activity so engrossing that my mind wouldn't yearn to connect with a keyboard.
And I did yearn to walk in here and turn it on. But--and this is the part that really astonished me--it wasn't to dash off an e-mail or horn in on a Facebook conversation. I kept wanting to check things--like a new website found in a book I was reading or what EW's top ten fiction books were for 2008 or if someone was dead or not. Information. That's what I missed.
It reassures me that I am not "living" on the Internet. I just enjoy it. It felt good to check things out this morning. Other than my livelihood which does depend on electronic communication, though, I think I could survive. Not happily but I could.
Just don't expect me to give up Facebook for Lent!
Cold turkey. No celebrity gossip. No weather checks around the country. No Facebook.
I didn't even entertain myself with some activity so engrossing that my mind wouldn't yearn to connect with a keyboard.
And I did yearn to walk in here and turn it on. But--and this is the part that really astonished me--it wasn't to dash off an e-mail or horn in on a Facebook conversation. I kept wanting to check things--like a new website found in a book I was reading or what EW's top ten fiction books were for 2008 or if someone was dead or not. Information. That's what I missed.
It reassures me that I am not "living" on the Internet. I just enjoy it. It felt good to check things out this morning. Other than my livelihood which does depend on electronic communication, though, I think I could survive. Not happily but I could.
Just don't expect me to give up Facebook for Lent!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Christmas...is this any way to end the year?
I don't mean Christmas Day, just all the fun we have up to that point.
Little kids get stressed to the max---all the sugar, all the incarnations of Santa, all the presents and why can I open this one right now but those under the tree have to wait, all the hustle and bustle.
But adults, we're supposed to "make it all happen." Me and what army of elves?
I've certainly learned to start early. I mean, EARLY. Because I know it will be Christmas Eve and I will still be thinking of things I wish I'd gotten done. I bought cards and stamps way early this year and haven't regretted that at all. I'm in love with my cute reindeer cards! Thank you, Chicago Art Institute!
Even though I truly have gained perspective after all these decades, this Christmas has been bizarre. My tree. I love getting a REAL Christmas tree. I cherish my lifetime's collection of ornaments. I enjoy sitting and just looking at the finished ensemble. Ha! It took half a day to finally get the tree in the house and in the stand and anchored sturdily. Then, as I'd pretty much expected, it's not a strong enough tree to be adorned with a lot of my ornaments. Even though I'm finding that I don't like a lot of my ornaments now. Guess what? It was my son's and my daughter's collection of ornaments that put the mist in my eyes when the tree was fully decorated each year. No, not the felt ones they made in 2nd grade, but the ones I bought them each year. This is the first year that my son wanted his ornaments for his own family's tree---yea! And my daughter's are stashed in a box, ready for her to take them eventually. I'm left with a bit of a hodgepodge. Except for Cloud Baby. Oh, my, I do love my Cloud Baby! God bless the Simpich family for making them for so many years; why couldn't you have lasted just one more year? But the 2009 version of the Christmas tree, sad to say, doesn't deserve the Cloud Baby. And I am fearful that if I put Cloud Baby up on the high branch where it should be, it wouldn't make it through the season.
I'm feeling no affection for my Christmas tree this year.
Then there was the fudge. I make damn good fudge, I am told. My sister/friend Gail needs fudge. She needs it in so many ways---the perfect comfort food that will soothe her hurting body and soul. Last year's attempt, in the new kitchen, was a grade-A fiasco. This year's attempt almost never got to be an attempt. I've never been afraid to cook something. (Pretty much never cared if a recipe came out right or not, just close will do.) Finally the fudge got made and it may be heavenly. I should've sent a spoon with it, it's so creamy! Of course, she's also getting it a week AFTER Christmas because I couldn't move my rear end to face the Fudge Monster early on. I'm humiliated and proud at the same time.
Even worse is the sadness of the holiday season. Yup, I'm old enough to know that if you don't send a Christmas card your friends will think you died. For me, the sadness was a loved one's death in November and then coming across the Christmas present I'd already bought for him. It was my uncle getting my Christmas card and realizing that his son had not contacted me to let me know that my aunt, my father's only surviving sibling, had died. It was getting a letter from a like-a-mom's son filling us in on her crazy days in a nursing home now. I'd gotten a little irked at some dear friends (even if of the only-at-Christmas-do-we-write type) for sending cards with just their names signed on them. Now I see that knowing at least that much, that they're still around, means a lot. Oh, yeah, and it was not getting that fudge sent in time to be a real Christmas present.
I went to several Christmas parties this year and what an adventure that was! Truly. From a chilly nighttime party in the outdoors, with a rooster. (Loved it!) To a huge catered meal that was agonizing to sit through. (I was to bring dessert---first time ever I bought a cake at the grocery store and took it.) To a total fiasco. (Gee, did anyone think to even bring a napkin????) To a delightful evening that year after year can be a bust or blissful. To a holiday brunch "hosted" by a 3-year-old that was warm but extravagant, fun and relaxing. (Even Santa was there!)
I've wrapped all the presents but I haven't finished all the food yet. I'll make it though. I've seldom not gotten it done. Last year, without a kitchen, being the exception. Each year there's one present that I love above all others. Not that I receive, one I give. Sometimes it's not even to a family member. This year it's one for my oldest grandson. It's so cool! He won't appreciate it nearly as much as I do. I'd tell you but you might blab it to my other grandson and he'll probably get his own version someday too. My biggest shopping disappointment is for my son-in-law. He does so much for me, especially being such a great husband and father, that I want to buy him the world. Pretty chintzy world it looks like. Ugh. I think I did OK for my daughter. Probably OK for my husband. Pretty darn good I think for my daughter-in-law; my son only so-so but for once in my life I seemed to have hit it out of the ballpark for his birthday in October, so that will suffice. Grandsons, they're covered! And even the yet-to-be granddaughter is making out pretty good in the gift department. I think friends will for the most part be satisfied. I am putting out a notice that January 10 I need prizes for playing bingo with the blind people so anyone getting a "white elephant" gift, even from me, is welcome to donate them!
My favorite Christmas card is one a friend made using a snapshot of our early December snowstorm. My favorite song of the season is a tie: the 2-year-old singing "Let It Snow" ad infinitum and the 4-year-old singing "Jingle Bells" with his Rice Krispies. My favorite movie is "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" which I think has been shown on AMC over 15 times already. I watched at least part of it, oh, maybe 10 of those times. My favorite CD remains "Christmas Island" by Jimmy Buffett. Makes me cry every time---"Merry Christmas, Colorado..." My favorite song on the radio was the VERY FIRST ONE I HEARD THIS YEAR: "Do They Know It's Christmas." Touches my soul every time I hear it. My favorite Santa is the one at the Cow's House.
Christmas has got to be the ultimate emotional roller coaster. So I think I will end it just the way I want...very quietly with some Pennsylvania Dutch egg nog. Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight!
Little kids get stressed to the max---all the sugar, all the incarnations of Santa, all the presents and why can I open this one right now but those under the tree have to wait, all the hustle and bustle.
But adults, we're supposed to "make it all happen." Me and what army of elves?
I've certainly learned to start early. I mean, EARLY. Because I know it will be Christmas Eve and I will still be thinking of things I wish I'd gotten done. I bought cards and stamps way early this year and haven't regretted that at all. I'm in love with my cute reindeer cards! Thank you, Chicago Art Institute!
Even though I truly have gained perspective after all these decades, this Christmas has been bizarre. My tree. I love getting a REAL Christmas tree. I cherish my lifetime's collection of ornaments. I enjoy sitting and just looking at the finished ensemble. Ha! It took half a day to finally get the tree in the house and in the stand and anchored sturdily. Then, as I'd pretty much expected, it's not a strong enough tree to be adorned with a lot of my ornaments. Even though I'm finding that I don't like a lot of my ornaments now. Guess what? It was my son's and my daughter's collection of ornaments that put the mist in my eyes when the tree was fully decorated each year. No, not the felt ones they made in 2nd grade, but the ones I bought them each year. This is the first year that my son wanted his ornaments for his own family's tree---yea! And my daughter's are stashed in a box, ready for her to take them eventually. I'm left with a bit of a hodgepodge. Except for Cloud Baby. Oh, my, I do love my Cloud Baby! God bless the Simpich family for making them for so many years; why couldn't you have lasted just one more year? But the 2009 version of the Christmas tree, sad to say, doesn't deserve the Cloud Baby. And I am fearful that if I put Cloud Baby up on the high branch where it should be, it wouldn't make it through the season.
I'm feeling no affection for my Christmas tree this year.
Then there was the fudge. I make damn good fudge, I am told. My sister/friend Gail needs fudge. She needs it in so many ways---the perfect comfort food that will soothe her hurting body and soul. Last year's attempt, in the new kitchen, was a grade-A fiasco. This year's attempt almost never got to be an attempt. I've never been afraid to cook something. (Pretty much never cared if a recipe came out right or not, just close will do.) Finally the fudge got made and it may be heavenly. I should've sent a spoon with it, it's so creamy! Of course, she's also getting it a week AFTER Christmas because I couldn't move my rear end to face the Fudge Monster early on. I'm humiliated and proud at the same time.
Even worse is the sadness of the holiday season. Yup, I'm old enough to know that if you don't send a Christmas card your friends will think you died. For me, the sadness was a loved one's death in November and then coming across the Christmas present I'd already bought for him. It was my uncle getting my Christmas card and realizing that his son had not contacted me to let me know that my aunt, my father's only surviving sibling, had died. It was getting a letter from a like-a-mom's son filling us in on her crazy days in a nursing home now. I'd gotten a little irked at some dear friends (even if of the only-at-Christmas-do-we-write type) for sending cards with just their names signed on them. Now I see that knowing at least that much, that they're still around, means a lot. Oh, yeah, and it was not getting that fudge sent in time to be a real Christmas present.
I went to several Christmas parties this year and what an adventure that was! Truly. From a chilly nighttime party in the outdoors, with a rooster. (Loved it!) To a huge catered meal that was agonizing to sit through. (I was to bring dessert---first time ever I bought a cake at the grocery store and took it.) To a total fiasco. (Gee, did anyone think to even bring a napkin????) To a delightful evening that year after year can be a bust or blissful. To a holiday brunch "hosted" by a 3-year-old that was warm but extravagant, fun and relaxing. (Even Santa was there!)
I've wrapped all the presents but I haven't finished all the food yet. I'll make it though. I've seldom not gotten it done. Last year, without a kitchen, being the exception. Each year there's one present that I love above all others. Not that I receive, one I give. Sometimes it's not even to a family member. This year it's one for my oldest grandson. It's so cool! He won't appreciate it nearly as much as I do. I'd tell you but you might blab it to my other grandson and he'll probably get his own version someday too. My biggest shopping disappointment is for my son-in-law. He does so much for me, especially being such a great husband and father, that I want to buy him the world. Pretty chintzy world it looks like. Ugh. I think I did OK for my daughter. Probably OK for my husband. Pretty darn good I think for my daughter-in-law; my son only so-so but for once in my life I seemed to have hit it out of the ballpark for his birthday in October, so that will suffice. Grandsons, they're covered! And even the yet-to-be granddaughter is making out pretty good in the gift department. I think friends will for the most part be satisfied. I am putting out a notice that January 10 I need prizes for playing bingo with the blind people so anyone getting a "white elephant" gift, even from me, is welcome to donate them!
My favorite Christmas card is one a friend made using a snapshot of our early December snowstorm. My favorite song of the season is a tie: the 2-year-old singing "Let It Snow" ad infinitum and the 4-year-old singing "Jingle Bells" with his Rice Krispies. My favorite movie is "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" which I think has been shown on AMC over 15 times already. I watched at least part of it, oh, maybe 10 of those times. My favorite CD remains "Christmas Island" by Jimmy Buffett. Makes me cry every time---"Merry Christmas, Colorado..." My favorite song on the radio was the VERY FIRST ONE I HEARD THIS YEAR: "Do They Know It's Christmas." Touches my soul every time I hear it. My favorite Santa is the one at the Cow's House.
Christmas has got to be the ultimate emotional roller coaster. So I think I will end it just the way I want...very quietly with some Pennsylvania Dutch egg nog. Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight!
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