Christmas...is this any way to end the year?

I don't mean Christmas Day, just all the fun we have up to that point.

Little kids get stressed to the max---all the sugar, all the incarnations of Santa, all the presents and why can I open this one right now but those under the tree have to wait, all the hustle and bustle.

But adults, we're supposed to "make it all happen." Me and what army of elves?

I've certainly learned to start early. I mean, EARLY. Because I know it will be Christmas Eve and I will still be thinking of things I wish I'd gotten done. I bought cards and stamps way early this year and haven't regretted that at all. I'm in love with my cute reindeer cards! Thank you, Chicago Art Institute!

Even though I truly have gained perspective after all these decades, this Christmas has been bizarre. My tree. I love getting a REAL Christmas tree. I cherish my lifetime's collection of ornaments. I enjoy sitting and just looking at the finished ensemble. Ha! It took half a day to finally get the tree in the house and in the stand and anchored sturdily. Then, as I'd pretty much expected, it's not a strong enough tree to be adorned with a lot of my ornaments. Even though I'm finding that I don't like a lot of my ornaments now. Guess what? It was my son's and my daughter's collection of ornaments that put the mist in my eyes when the tree was fully decorated each year. No, not the felt ones they made in 2nd grade, but the ones I bought them each year. This is the first year that my son wanted his ornaments for his own family's tree---yea! And my daughter's are stashed in a box, ready for her to take them eventually. I'm left with a bit of a hodgepodge. Except for Cloud Baby. Oh, my, I do love my Cloud Baby! God bless the Simpich family for making them for so many years; why couldn't you have lasted just one more year? But the 2009 version of the Christmas tree, sad to say, doesn't deserve the Cloud Baby. And I am fearful that if I put Cloud Baby up on the high branch where it should be, it wouldn't make it through the season.

I'm feeling no affection for my Christmas tree this year.

Then there was the fudge. I make damn good fudge, I am told. My sister/friend Gail needs fudge. She needs it in so many ways---the perfect comfort food that will soothe her hurting body and soul. Last year's attempt, in the new kitchen, was a grade-A fiasco. This year's attempt almost never got to be an attempt. I've never been afraid to cook something. (Pretty much never cared if a recipe came out right or not, just close will do.) Finally the fudge got made and it may be heavenly. I should've sent a spoon with it, it's so creamy! Of course, she's also getting it a week AFTER Christmas because I couldn't move my rear end to face the Fudge Monster early on. I'm humiliated and proud at the same time.

Even worse is the sadness of the holiday season. Yup, I'm old enough to know that if you don't send a Christmas card your friends will think you died. For me, the sadness was a loved one's death in November and then coming across the Christmas present I'd already bought for him. It was my uncle getting my Christmas card and realizing that his son had not contacted me to let me know that my aunt, my father's only surviving sibling, had died. It was getting a letter from a like-a-mom's son filling us in on her crazy days in a nursing home now. I'd gotten a little irked at some dear friends (even if of the only-at-Christmas-do-we-write type) for sending cards with just their names signed on them. Now I see that knowing at least that much, that they're still around, means a lot. Oh, yeah, and it was not getting that fudge sent in time to be a real Christmas present.

I went to several Christmas parties this year and what an adventure that was! Truly. From a chilly nighttime party in the outdoors, with a rooster. (Loved it!) To a huge catered meal that was agonizing to sit through. (I was to bring dessert---first time ever I bought a cake at the grocery store and took it.) To a total fiasco. (Gee, did anyone think to even bring a napkin????) To a delightful evening that year after year can be a bust or blissful. To a holiday brunch "hosted" by a 3-year-old that was warm but extravagant, fun and relaxing. (Even Santa was there!)

I've wrapped all the presents but I haven't finished all the food yet. I'll make it though. I've seldom not gotten it done. Last year, without a kitchen, being the exception. Each year there's one present that I love above all others. Not that I receive, one I give. Sometimes it's not even to a family member. This year it's one for my oldest grandson. It's so cool! He won't appreciate it nearly as much as I do. I'd tell you but you might blab it to my other grandson and he'll probably get his own version someday too. My biggest shopping disappointment is for my son-in-law. He does so much for me, especially being such a great husband and father, that I want to buy him the world. Pretty chintzy world it looks like. Ugh. I think I did OK for my daughter. Probably OK for my husband. Pretty darn good I think for my daughter-in-law; my son only so-so but for once in my life I seemed to have hit it out of the ballpark for his birthday in October, so that will suffice. Grandsons, they're covered! And even the yet-to-be granddaughter is making out pretty good in the gift department. I think friends will for the most part be satisfied. I am putting out a notice that January 10 I need prizes for playing bingo with the blind people so anyone getting a "white elephant" gift, even from me, is welcome to donate them!

My favorite Christmas card is one a friend made using a snapshot of our early December snowstorm. My favorite song of the season is a tie: the 2-year-old singing "Let It Snow" ad infinitum and the 4-year-old singing "Jingle Bells" with his Rice Krispies. My favorite movie is "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" which I think has been shown on AMC over 15 times already. I watched at least part of it, oh, maybe 10 of those times. My favorite CD remains "Christmas Island" by Jimmy Buffett. Makes me cry every time---"Merry Christmas, Colorado..." My favorite song on the radio was the VERY FIRST ONE I HEARD THIS YEAR: "Do They Know It's Christmas." Touches my soul every time I hear it. My favorite Santa is the one at the Cow's House.

Christmas has got to be the ultimate emotional roller coaster. So I think I will end it just the way I want...very quietly with some Pennsylvania Dutch egg nog. Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight!